Does Your Child Need a Life Tutor?

I’m frequently surprised at how many parents will pay for a Maths or English tutor, but haven’t considered the most important tutor or all – a LIFE TUTOR. Children will often agree to a tutor, so if we normalise a Life Tutor, you are giving them a toolkit for life. It’s not a Maths grade that enables a happy, contented life, it’s how we cope with the ups and downs; how we see ourselves in the big scheme of it all, not where we sit on the leader board.

I come from an era where children ‘should be seen and not heard’. Thankfully, my parents didn’t enforce this too frequently – maybe because I had three siblings and it was virtually impossible! But nevertheless, we still knew our ‘place’ and daren’t question or challenge it.  

As an adult now, with children of my own, I recognise how damaging and limiting that old -fashioned approach was. How could they enable us to be self-assured, confident, happy adults and potentially leaders of the future, by silencing our voices and not encouraging or allowing freedom of expression and speech? I blame this dated approach on the amount of abuse that took place then. Children were not allowed to question the authority of adults, giving many abusers carte blanche to go unchallenged. 

Isn’t it wonderful that so many of us think differently now and so much has changed? There’s a lot to say for this modern world, even though many choose to focus on the negatives – children watching too much T.V and tech – I think we are finally realising that children and adolescents have huge amounts to contribute and it’s our job to draw it out of them. 

Sadly though, the Covid pandemic has caused a huge rise in anxiety and depression in young people and this is something we simply can’t ignore, as the consequences of this can be seriously dysfunctional, traumatised adults and in many cases, suicide. So, how do we tackle it in a way that doesn’t make children feel labelled and shamed? How do we normalise sadness and anxiety so that we can give young people the support they deserve and the tools they need to cope? 

We start with conversation, that’s how. We don’t force our suggestions and ideas on them, we listen first and empathise, and you know what, sometimes that’s enough. Admittedly, some suffering is so established it requires more, but I always start by Coaching Through Conversation and really hearing what they have to say – where their fears are, what challenges they face, what stories they’ve been told or told themselves that are holding them back. Let’s encourage them to name their emotions and express them freely, in a safe and respectful way. Whether it’s anger, fear, self-doubt or jealousy, these are all normal emotions that need to be spoken about and noramlised.

If you think your child or teenager could do with some support, please don’t ignore it, trust your instincts. I work with many young people and they can be great pretenders because there is a lot fear and shame surrounding suffering. They don’t like to admit they are struggling, so it’s our job to recognise it and make it easy for them to ask for help. A Life Tutor carries no stigma and in the same way you can’t always help your kids with their maths homework, you can’t always help them with their emotional homework – you all need support. Ask them, ‘how are you doing, do you need some support getting your head round things?’

The sooner we ditch the stoicism and create a world where young people can say ‘yep, you know what, my mental state isn’t good, I’m struggling here’, the quicker we will reduce suicide rates and the need for antidepressants. It starts with conversation. Please, have yours today and  ask for the support you deserve that can help you with those conversations.

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